I am in complete tears......

Okay, so the tears keep flowing and I am not sure when they will stop. It's just over whelming after all we have been through and now this. Who would have ever thought.

Take a look at the link below and you will know and understand why the tears are so real and so many :

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sokofamily/3316739688/in/set-72157614121695872/

The wait is brutal

Today I am going to work on cleaning our house a little at a time. It's been kind of neglected since I have had the egg stuff going on. Jim says it's okay for me to clean as long as I take it easy and do it a little at a time. No heavy lifting, like taking the vacuum downstairs and stuff like that.

Things are still going well I believe. Not having any issues that I shouldn't and still no signs of my friend. Today is now day 7 past what would have been my start date. This gives me the reassurance I need to get me through to Monday's big results. Not going to be easy I am sure but I'm trying to stay as relaxed and stress free as best I can.

I had a dream last night that we got the call and they said we were pg BUT could be more than one based on the tests results. We would not know for sure until the first ultra sound and if my Beta keep increasing at that more than the normal level. Excited we were but man not knowing if that were the case, would it be 2 or all 3. Then I woke up :) lol Perfect timing huh. It was fun and I was all smiles. Had a hard time falling back to sleep but I was okay with that. lol

What is the big deal?

I woke up this morning in a good mood. I knew I was having blood work done today first thing and that meant needleville but I was okay with that. I decided to ask if the lab could call me as well with the results because I really would like to know where my Beta results are registering if at all. The lady wasn't real nice and said no we can't call you because your doctor didn't make that note on the paperwork. Um, whatever. Seriously, they are my results why can I not have them. That put me in a grumpy mood and now I need to just kind of snap out of it.

The good news is though, thinking positively, today would be day #6 past my normal cycle start date. I am never late when it comes to that every month. I have no signs that it will be starting or anything like that. So that is the sign that will get me through until Monday's test results are in. Going to be a long weekend but we are getting there slowly but surely right? :)

4 More days to go for THE NEWS

Well I woke up this morning feeling pretty darn good considering my injection last night hurt like crazy. This one turned black and blue for some reason so I went to sleep in a little bit of pain. But this morning I am feeling better and I actually was able to sleep so who knows.

With 4 more days to go until we hear THE NEWS I am growing antsy to say the least. Tomorrow first thing I go for my first blood work which my doctor will not report back to us on as this is the starting point test so to speak. I was thinking of asking the lab to call me with the results as well but think I will just leave that alone. All I know at this point in time is I feel pretty good and since I have had no spotting and I have no signs a cycle will be starting I am taking that as my sign that something wonderful is happening. That keeps me going and keeps me focused. That's what I need to continue to do to get me through these next few days.

We know we have LOTS of family and friends praying for us every day and we say ours ever day as well. I am sure the big man upstairs has a jar full of each and every one of them. Taking great care to keep them all safe in one place for us. Time will tell but I still feel it's going to be great news.

Why I will do NO MORE home preganancy tests

I woke up this morning with all these thoughts in my head. Had a hard time sleeping of course and that makes me a little cranky. But, I am all good I think. I took a stupid test and of course nothing. Which I knew it would say because it is still way too early. But I did it anyway. I was sad for a quick moment then reminded myself that it's too early and I wasn't expecting it to say congrats anyway. I snapped myself out of feeling like I wanted to cry and made myself a promise to never take one of those again until after Monday's blood test results come back from our doctor :)

I have been doing lots of research on healthy eggs for transfer on day 3 and what they should look like and how many cells and all that good stuff. Based on what I have learned and seen pictures of, ours look awesome and have a good chance. I have done all I could do to keep these little ones safe and happy in there hoping 1 or all will result in a miracle for us soon. Nature is now taking it's course and really if you think about it, Monday is only 5 more days away. I have managed to make it through all these months of waiting so 5 more days will not kill me right? lol

Jim will be in Chicago on Monday when I go for my blood work and wait for the results. I think that day will be the hardest waiting day ever for me. With him not hear and if the results are not in our favor I will be a complete wreck all by myself. That's hard to think about but hoping all is awesome and then I will be all smiles and happy tears as my fur babies look at me and try to figure out what the heck has happened to our mom? lol

I am staying positive and so is Jim so I think we are doing the best we can with this waiting period. Hopefully we can continue that way. Keep you posted. Keep praying :)

Okay, so I did it

Yeppers, I did it. Ugh, can't believe it. I did what I said I wasn't going to do and I'm not happy with myself :( I picked up some HPT this morning while I was out running and errand. They now sit in my bathroom just like glaring at me. I finally threw them in my bottom drawer and left the room. lol I know it is still too early to test but I recvd a link last night, Thank you Mrs. Sara lol, and I was amazed and laughing at how many tests some of these women take during this process. It was an interesting read to say the least.

I really was hoping I would make it through without purchasing any of these things. I mean, after all, I have to get stuck for blood this Friday in the morning and then again Monday morning and that is pain enough to find out some news.I know implant can happen between 3 - 5 days after transfer and the body does not start producing the HCG hormone until after implant. So with this being the case I know that would mean that anytime starting Sunday and today implant could be taking place. Then it takes a while for HCG to register on those tests so just doesn't seem worth taking the test until at least sometime this weekend. But I have them now none the less. Hopefully I can restrain but you just never know. If I do test and it does not register I will do my best not to get down because almost always it won't show until days down the road.Funny how the mind plays these tricks on us during times like this. I will resist the urge as long as possible and hope for the best.

The wait continues

I think for the most part the waiting hasn't been too bad for me yet. I am relaxed and not feeling anxiety or stress to know what is happening right now. I guess in my mind thought I am just enjoying the thought of what might be and for now I am okay with that. I don't know maybe that sounds strange but I am calm and just letting nature do what it needs to do right now and believing that this chance came our way for a reason and that reason is our miracle.

I have had some ask if I have taken or will start taking any at home tests. Honestly, I have no desire to want to do that, at least at this point in time :) lol That may change come next Monday when I know I will be anxious to hear from the doctor's office on my blood work from that morning. But I figure why waste money on something that most likely won't show anything yet and take that chance that it brings me down from the wonder of the possibility? I think that is what is keeping me so relaxed right now with a smile on my face.

Jim asked me last night if I felt pregnant yet. I just smiled and rubbed my belly, as I have been doing a lot lately, and said you know I think we are going to be but think it's still working itself out. He tells me to take care of all the little M&M's or little peanuts and I reply that I am doing my very best to make sure they are happy and comfortable. He seems to be accepting with that reply. lol

Last night I slept pretty good and that was really nice for a change. Whenever Jim has to give me that injection in the muscle it's usually brutal for me to sleep at night. So it was a welcome change. I was having really great dreams and I remember waking up smiling remembering what they were all about and hoping my mind was trying to tell me something great sometime very soon. Positive thinking right. They say that is half the battle so hopefully I'm doing a good job in that department.